Fear of Failure – tips to getting unstuck

Have you set goals and not achieved them?  Do you need to move forward in life but keep finding yourself stuck in a rut?

Psychologist and author Ken Christian is an expert at helping peeps with this very dilemma. And fear of failure, he finds, is one of the biggest causes of unactualized dreams

by Ken Christian

Ever gotten stuck? I’m talking about really stuck – in your career, the pursuit of your dreams, or maybe even your personal life.

If you have, maybe you’re living with a fear of failure.

The picture usually looks something like this: you’re pursuing some project or exciting new idea and grooving along at a pretty nice pace. Then kaboom! Without knowing exactly how it happened or what set it up, you came to a grinding and unceremonious halt.

Puzzled and Powerless?

It’s perplexing when this happens – and it feels lousy. It’s like all the progress you made just drains away and worse, you wind up feeling puzzled, powerless and inadequate. It doesn’t matter whether you call it writer’s block, a flat spot or a creative lull. It’s easy to feel guilty, as if being stuck is due to some recurring, tragic personal flaw.

But here’s the deal. Getting stuck usually has its genesis in fear. And what’s more, it’s directly related to what goes on in your brain under fear-inducing circumstances.

The Usual Suspects

This fear could be one of the usual suspects: the big three of 1) fear of failure, 2) fear of the demands and future implications of success or 3) fear of making a big mistake. But sometimes the fear is subtler, more specific and originates from your particular personal history. Usually the fear is masked, or it’s ‘sneaky’ enough that your heart isn’t pounding and your palms aren’t clammy. But even without the loud and clear signs of fear, it’s effect can still be wildly potent.

Beware your Fear Brain

Why? Because in the face of fear (obvious or subtle), your ‘fear brain’ takes over. And as soon as it does, your rational thinking brain is switched off as the fear brain instantly diverts you to a soothing strategy to get you to safety. So you end up derailed, thwarted, stuck or at minimum, not making the progress you hoped for.

Your Way Out of Stuckdom

Here’s 3 steps for getting unstuck back on track and free of the fear of failure …

1. Resist the temptation to judge and criticize yourself. The upshot of the fear and crummy feelings that accompany being stuck is often self-attack. But when you judge and criticize yourself, you immediately make matters worse. You infinitely expand a brief hiccup or setback into a big-box-sized PROBLEM that now has a life of its own. Don’t go there.
2. Understand how your brain creates the stuck pattern, so you can see through and past it. A shorthand way of summarizing what goes on in the face of possible danger would be to say that in these moments, the brain has a mind of its own. Instead of the frontal cortex, where planning and rational thinking goes on, being in charge, the more ancient part of the brain takes over and prepares you to escape, do battle or freeze. A knowledge of how your brain works can give you a way to recognize what’s happening in the moment and interrupt the pattern before it takes you off course.
3. Use mindful awareness to catch your fear brain in the act and make a new choice. Research and clinical evidence supports a different strategy from merely trying to force your way through being stuck by exerting more willpower. Instead of self-attack, or trying to power your way through, mindfully examine what the brain’s resistance to further action might be about.

By emptying yourself of judgment, and carefully tracking what’s happening inside, you can learn to identify what this primitive part of your brain is experiencing as a red flag. And once you change your perspective to this kind of observation, self-attack melts away, you become grateful for your brain’s wise or at least well-intentioned protection, and entirely new possibilities arise for how to deal with the situation you face.

Sometimes, it only takes a Moment

A recent client of mine had, for several years been at a major career impasse. Though he saw alternative paths, he remained stuck and failed to take action. As a consequence he viewed himself unassertive. I suggested he consider that there might be a positive reason for his hesitancy to move forward.

Literally, within a few minutes he was in a completely different state, flooded with happiness at seeing his situation completely differently from how he had construed it for years.

I see responses similar to this again and again when people:

• Drop Self-Judgement
• Open to Positive Possibilities
• Unplug from Self-Attack

If you feel stuck, what might your fear brain be protecting you from? What new directions might open up to you by dropping judgements and being more mindful? Share your insights with us in the comments below.